The Count's World Spooky Stories Edition
by The Great Allie
Summary: Count Bleck is having a Halloween party at his castle, and his minions and guests take turns sharing spooky stories. Adapted from modern, old, classic, and new spooky stories.
1. Introduction

_Long-time readers will remember a time several years ago when I promised "The Count's World: Scary Stories Edition" and never delivered it, because of a computer problem. I finally found a thumb drive with part of the story on it, enough to finish it. So here it is, at last, the lost Count's World episode! Since this story is from a few years ago, it takes place before Episode 17. That is, Mr. L still lives in the castle_

_This is an attempt at an anthology episode, mostly similar to the famous Treehouse of Horror series in The Simpsons. During the following stories, the roles will be played by different characters. Usually in these kinds of cartoons, the characters look the same but have different names (for example, if an episode of some show has the main character telling the story of Hansel and Gretel, the cartoon shows the storyteller, and it shows the story where she looks the same but is referred to as Gretel, and her brother Dan is Hansel, and Principal Jerkwad is the witch. You know. Like that.) Since this is text-only, the characters in the scary story have the same names as the characters in The Count's World so you can tell who's playing whom. But you can rest assured that the storytellers aren't actually telling stories about themselves. They're talking about "a young widow" or "a teenage girl," who just happen to be played by Timpani or Mimi._

* * *

The first guests began arriving for Count Bleck's Halloween party at seven o' clock on the dot. Nastasia was at the castle gates to greet the arrivals and direct them to the meeting room. The Count had been preparing for this party for months, the invitations had been sent out and RSVP'd, and it was all about to pay off. Finally, people wouldn't fear him for what he had done; they would have a playful, fun sort of fear that came around with the atmosphere of Halloween. He was throwing a party.

Plus, there'd be a lot of candy to boot.

The first to arrive was Mario, dressed as a Tanuki. He arrived with Princess Peach, dressed as the Shadow Queen.

"Yeah, good evening," said Nastasia (dressed as a vampire.) "So, the party's just down the hall. You can just go ahead and follow the jack-o-lanterns until you see the banner."

"Thanks," said Princess Peach. "Happy Halloween."

Mario wished her a happy Halloween, too, and they were off.

Bowser came behind them. "Hey, don't forget about me!"

Nastasia stepped in front of him. "Didn't anybody tell you? Yeah, this is a costume party. You're supposed to dress as the scariest thing you can think of." She paused. "Never mind. Yeah, go ahead in. Follow the pumpkins."

"That's right," Bowser growled. "If there's anything scarier than me, I haven't found it yet!"

"You've never stood downwind of yourself, either." Behind Boswer was the surprisingly bold X-Naut Sherwood and his autistic pal, Gary. Sherwood was dressed as Luigi and Gary was Mario (because, of course, Mario doesn't talk.)

"Yeah, follow the stench," said Nastasia. "Happy Halloween."

The next guest to arrive was Old Man Watchitt, dressed as a Shayde. "Dagnabbit," he said, "All this dimension hopping hooplah, getting' grit in my grunders and I-don't-know-what. Why, in my day, youngsters never asked an old man to come all this way just for—"

"Yeah, I'm gonna cut you off right there," said Nastasia. "I really don't care. Just follow the pumpkins to the party."

Watchitt narrowed his eyes. "You better watch it, missy" he told her seriously.

She straightened her glasses. "Oh, I do."

Squirps came next, dressed up like a Toad. "Squirps came all the way from the Whoa Zone to enjoy delicious chocolate! Chocolate is Squirps's most favorite food in the world, squee-wonk!"

"Well, there's plenty of chocolate in the party room, just follow the pumpkins."

"Ner her her her her!" Francis came next, dressed as Anime Pink Princess. "This party is gonna be sooooo hi-technical!"

Nastasia looked him in the eye. "Yeah, so, I'm pretty sure you never actually got an invitation. I'm gonna have to go ahead and ask you to go away and not come into our party."

"But—"

Nastasia slammed the door in his face. He whimpered for a while, but then the sound died off and it was safe on the porch once again.

* * *

Count Bleck called his minions to the Meeting Room just minutes before the party began. "Minions! All Hallows Eve is upon us. In moments, we will be surrounded by friends and guests alike! Now, assemble in the meeting room!"

Mimi appeared in the room, dressed in a very realistic Dimentio costume. "Hiya, Count!" she said happily. "It's time for the party?"

"It is," he said. "May I ask why you're dressed as the Master of Dimensions?"

"Well, you said you were supposed to dress as the scariest thing you could think of for Halloween, right?"

Count Bleck laughed. "I certainly did. Well, to your own interpretation."

Mr. L peeked around the corner. "Am I late?" he asked.

"On time," said Count Bleck. "Are you ready for the event?"

"Yeah. Hey, Mimi, are you dressed as Dimentio?"

"Yep! How could you tell?"

Mr. L stepped around the corner, dressed in a costume nearly identical to Mimis. "Well, one of us is gonna have to go change."

Then O'Chunks walked straight into the room, dressed in a third Dimentio costume. He went straight to the middle of the room before seeing Mimi. Then he looked at Mr. L, back at her, and down at himself. "Ah, blarggit."

Count Bleck pulled his hat down. "Minions…"

"Yeah, Count?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Just… Minions…" He sighed, and then looked back up. "Did either of you stop to consider what may happen when Dimentio discovers all three of you in crude imitations of his attire?"

They looked at each other for a beat, then back at the Count. Then all three of them scrambled over each other in a desperate effort to get out of there and get into different costumes before Dimentio could unleash any of his possible wrath.

Tippi appeared beside Count Bleck. "Happy Halloween," she said.

"And to you, _mon amour_."

"But where's your costume?"

"I am in my costume."

"It looks like your everyday outfit."

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong." He tugged on his cape. "Notice, that while the same basic outfit is as always, yet the little differences in style suggest that it comes from a different era. Not too long ago, as our influences today are still greatly reflected of it, but put side to side the dissimilarity is astonishing."

"All right, all right, so it's not your regular outfit. But who are you dressed as?"

"My father."

"Now that _is_ scary."

"And, may I ask, who are _you_ dressed as?"

"Francine," she replied.

"That's not really a costume."

"Well, it was the scariest thing I could think of. No, that's not entirely true, but a Dark Prognosticus costume is too heavy to fly around in, and I can't make a costume out of the abstract concept of separation."

"Not for lack of trying, I presume. You are quite ambitious with your projects."

* * *

Soon, the party was in full swing. Mimi, O'Chunks, and Mr. L had all come back in with different costumes. Mimi was now Merlee, O'Chunks was a Clubba, and Mr. L was Waluigi. The guests were enjoying Halloween treats and playing fall-related games such as traditional bobbing-for-apples and scarecrow-stuffing races.

After a bit, Count Bleck suddenly turned the lights out.

"Hey!"

"What's that?"

"Who turned out the lights?"

"It was Count Bleck, announced Count Bleck in an eerie voice. It is now time for… the Halloween Story-telling."

He turned on a flashlight and shined it under his face. With the shadows and glowing, he looked more like a jack-o-lantern than ever. "I've asked some of my minions to prepare a terrifying tale of ghosts, madmen, the supernatural… anything that sends chills up your spine."

Squirps ducked behind Peach's skirt. "Squawk! That's too scary for Squirps! Squirps is frightened!"

Peach picked him up in her arms. "Don't be scared," she cooed. "Nothing's going to get you. It's Halloween- all the ghosts are too busy having fun, and in the morning they'll be gone for a year."

"Yeah," said Watchitt. "'Cept for when you go to sleep. That's when they getchya! You'd better _watch it_!"

Bowser punched him on the arm. "Cut it out."

"Now _you'd_ better watch it!" Watchitt pointed his finger around the room. "In fact, you'd _all_ better watch it!"

Count Bleck shined his light in Watchitt's face.

"Ah! My eyes!"

"It seems y_ou_ should have watched it."

He shined the flashlight to Nastasia, who was standing off to the side. She straightened her glasses and took the flashlight. "Yeah," she said. "So I'm gonna go ahead and tell you my story, 'K?"


	2. Nastasia's Story

_Adapted from the TV series "Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction" Season 1, Episode 1, Segment 1 "The Apparition."_

* * *

_So, um, once there was a woman. And she and her husband-slash- employer lived in a castle, k? Yeah, they lived there together happily. Except then her job got real stressful for a while. And then she started seeing something very scary, but only in the vanity mirror of the second-floor hallway…_

Even though it was late, Nastasia was still in her office. She was just pulling together the last of the day's paperwork. Once that was finished, she could set out what needed to be completed tomorrow, but it couldn't actually be completed until tomorrow's events actually transpired. After that, though, there wasn't anything else she could do to put off the inevitable.

Naturally, a woman in her position was under a lot of stress. She handled all of the business of Count Bleck's affairs, and even under ordinary circumstances, it was a lot of work. Castle Bleck was hard to run, though, and his missions were difficult to coordinate. Lately every mission seemed to be going wrong, and she was working harder than ever to make sure that the upcoming missions were successful.

She did not want to go to bed.

But, once work was over, it couldn't be avoided. She would cross the east wing alone. It was dark and empty, but being her home, it wasn't normally spooky. She would go up the stairs to the second floor. Step, step, step… echoing through the stairwell, her own footsteps. Nothing scary about that, as long as your imagination wasn't the type to play tricks on you. But after that…

No avoiding it. Nastasia tapped her papers one final time, straightened her glasses, and started on the long walk to her bedroom. She took the candle off her desk to light her way to bed.

Nastasia headed down the corridor, where shadows darted around on the walls by the light of her candle. She considered snuffing it out, but the light brought more comfort than dampened shadows.

She squared her shoulders when she got to the stairwell door, and slowly pushed it open. Nothing was behind it. No footsteps sounded save her own.

Then she started down the last hallway of her journey. It was a long hallway, and at the end on the left was the only door to the master bedroom. Hanging on the wall at the end of the hallway was a mirror, just above an end table. There were inviting pink flowers arranged in a bowl on the table, to hide the terror that met her on this walk of dread.

She held her head high. Sometimes it wasn't there. Tonight she may be lucky, and only face it in her nightmares. It was impossible not to look, and she found herself staring straight ahead into her own reflection.

And the monster.

Behind her reflection, suddenly appeared the mangled image of a Boo. Its face was horribly twisted and distorted, tongue out, eyes empty. It was clearly a lady, with bows and frills, but it was also a monster.

It let out a horrifying, guttural scream. "BLAAAAUUUGH!"

Nastasia cried out and turned around. There was nothing behind her.

She turned back to the mirror. Her reflection stood alone.

Count Bleck appeared next to her. "Nastasia!" he said with concern. "What has happened?"

She was so visibly shaken that she couldn't answer. Count Bleck took her in his arms and comforted her as she worked out all of her fright.

"I saw her," she managed to say at last. She could barely get the words out over the lump in her throat. "Th-that Bo in the mirror!"

"Shhh…" he whispered gently. "It's all right, don't be afraid. It can't hurt you."

"It just appears and disappears," she said, as she regained composure. "I don't know if it's a real Boo or just some horrible dream can't wake up from. It looks so frightening. Why is it tormenting me like this?"

Count Bleck shook his head. "I don't know how a Boo could get into this castle. I wish I did. But I don't. The dimensional openings are locked to everyone but the most powerful masters of dimensions."

"I want her to go away." Nastasia said. "Yeah, why don't we just go ahead and get rid of that mirror so I don't have to see her anymore?"

"I would in a heartbeat if I thought it was the mirror," said Count Bleck, "but I don't think that would solve your problem. It may make it worse. It might start showing up somewhere else."

"I just want that monster gone."

"I know, I know…" He held her for a little longer, and then let her out of his grip. He still kept his hands on her shoulders, holding her at arms length. "Come on. Let's go to bed, and we'll worry about this in the morning." He lifted her chin up with his finger. "These things always look better in the daytime."

Despite the fact that there was no difference between night and day in Dimension Bleck, she smiled. She rested her right hand on top of his, on her shoulder, and then he removed it and they went to bed.

* * *

It did look better that morning, but morning can't last forever. Inevitably it turns into afternoon, which can only lead to evening, which in reality is basically night junior. As soon as it got late, and going upstairs became more and more unavoidable, Nastasia's anxious feelings grew inside her chest until the weight was too much to bear.

Count Bleck had gone out that day to a village in another dimension to solve some of their problems. She wasn't even sure which ones he was solving- she had been so preoccupied by the fact that she would be alone in the castle to even wonder about where he was going. On the edge of her mind, Nastasia was aware of preparing an itinerary for him, but the thought could barely get through the maelstrom of anxiety.

She had seen the Boo, every night this week. Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw the face hovering behind hers. What did it want? Why did it keep coming? Nastasia was aware that it wasn't hurting her, it was just startling her. But the dread of not knowing when it was coming, even if she knew where to find it, was the part that was eating away at her inside.

So she stayed in the sitting room, waiting for Count Bleck to come home so she wouldn't have to face the upstairs hallway alone.

As she sat, Nastasia felt her Cell Phone SP buzzing in her pocket. She was so wound up that every muscle in her body jerked at the surprise, and it almost made her cry. She answered the phone. "Count Bleck's office, Nastasia speaking."

"Hello, Nastasia, it's Count Bleck."

"Oh, hey, Count. Yeah, so, what's up?"

"Bad news. The problems here are worse than we anticipated. I'm at critical juncture here, but if I don't keep the situation under control it will get away from me and it could mean disaster for the village. I won't be back anytime soon.."

"Oh… oh, I see. But, you'll be home tonight, right?"

"We'll see."

"Uh… well, try your best, 'K?"

"I promise I'll try," said Count Bleck. "I _will_ do my best. But I don't know how soon that'll be."

They said goodbye and hung up. Nastasia looked at her watch. No doubt about it- she'd be going to bed alone.

The Boo wasn't in the mirror when she went to bed, and for that Nastasia was grateful. Still, she felt anxious when she dressed in her white nightgown and settled into bed. Like a child, she hid her head under the covers, creating a monster-proof barrier between herself and the outside world.

Then she heard something.

At first she sat up and looked out from the covers. Then she realized she'd broken her imaginary barrier and went back _under_ the covers. Then she peered out just a bit, so that she could return to hiding if anything scary should appear.

What was that noise, she wondered. It was dull, like a door slamming from far away or a drawer closing nearby. A clank of glass, coming from the Count's study.

Good, she thought. The Count's back. He'll come in any minute to tell me he's home.

She checked the bedside clock. It was late, so maybe he would assume she was asleep.

She waited a bit longer before she had the unpleasant thought that it wasn't the Count at all.

Nastasia got out of bed and padded quietly to the door. Yes, there was someone in the Count's study. That was definitely where the sound was coming from. She was so preoccupied with that thought that for the first time in weeks, she didn't see the mirror. Carefully, she snuck along the wall until she got to the next door and saw the door to the Count's study open.

In a flash, something came out, grabbed her on the chest, and pinned her against the wall. It was Dimentio. He'd snuck into their dimension, broke into the castle, and started ransacking the study. Of all the nights for Count Bleck to be away! Though Dimentio had probably chosen this night because he knew the Count would be away.

"I know you still have it," Dimentio said, "and I'm not leaving until I get it."

Nastasia struggled. "I'll never let you get your hands on that dark book again!"

She broke loose, and he cut her off and blasted her into the end of the hall, where she landed against the end table. Desperately, she tried to lift her glasses and hypnotize him.

"Your silly powers don't work against me," said Dimentio, "for they are as useless as a manufacturer's coupon past it's expiration date."

He clicked his fingers and drew a box around her. "I was hoping to take the book and leave, and simply let you be erased with the rest of the world, but oh well."

Nastasia fell to her knees, and for the first time Dimentio saw the mirror behind it.

The horrible Boo was staring out at him.

He looked behind himself, and then back at the mirror. "Oh, hello. Go away, Boo, I don't want to play."

The Boo hid its face and disappeared.

"Very well, then. Now—"

He felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, and the Boo was behind him, still hiding it's face.

"**BLAARRAAARRRGGG!"**

Such a noise and face! It was more frightening than anything either of them had seen. Dimentio looke,d at the very least, very startled.

Nastasia hugged herself. Now that the ghost had shown it could be out of the mirror, there was no telling how it would torment her.

An instant after it had blarged, the Boo grabbed Dimentio. In an instant, it was sucked back into the mirror. Dimentio struggled, but it was all over in a second. They both disappeared into the mirror and were gone.

With Dimentio no longer around, the box imprisoning Nastasia disappeared. Nastasia stood up and turned to face the mirror. She reached out very slowly and touched it. Only her own reflection stared back at her.

When the Count returned Nastasia told him of the encounter, and he moved the book to a safer location. They sold the mirror so the Boo couldn't return, but more than likely it was already playing a new game somewhere else. Nastasia never saw it again after that night.


	3. Mimi's Story

"_Wait," said Mimi. "So the ghost gets rid of the bad guy and then never bothers her again?"_

"_That's what I said," said Nastasia._

"_That's so totally lame! How can you be scared of a story where everything turns out okay in the end?"_

"_Because you didn't know everything was going to be fine when the story was still going on," said Peach. "I for one was on the edge of my seat."_

_Mario agreed._

"_Besides," said Squirps, "maybe the spooky ghost left the nice lady alone so it could go and scare YOU, squee-wonk!"_

"_So? It's just gonna startle me and then never bother me again after saving my life," said Mimi. "Give me the flashlight. It's my turn, and I have a much scarier story. It's based on a very famous urban legend that I swear happened to my boyfriend's sister's best friend's ex-boyfriend's cousin while she was babysitting..."_

So there were these two teenage girls, right? And one day Mr. and Mrs. Count Bleck called up and said they were going out to, like, the opera or something. 'Cause they were so lovey-dovey. So Mimi and her BFF Vivian went to Castle Bleck to baby-sit their three bratty kids- O'Chunks the big meaty one, Dimentio the bully, and Nastasia the bossy one. And Mimi was totally in charge of all of them!

* * *

"Dimentio! Stop playing mind games with your sister! O'Chunks, eat your cabbage!"

Mimi was getting used to being in charge of the others. It wasn't so hard- after they figured out that she could shape-shift into a fire breathing Hooktail, their backtalk had decreased considerably. Now she was just feeding them dinner before sending them off to bed so she and Vivian could spend the night watching TV and daring the other one to make prank phone calls.

Nastasia stirred her food with her fork. "Yeah, so, just an FYI? I got an urgent memo from the Count before he left. Yeah, so basically he said that I don't need to eat any cabbage because I already had some for lunch."

Dimentio flicked his nose. "You, my dear, are quite the eloquent liar. However, I happen to know for a fact that at lunch you had two Sweet Choco-Bars and a bowl of Spicy Soup."

"Yeah," said Nastasia as she straightened her glasses. "So I'm gonna have to go ahead and ask you to jump off a cliff, 'K?"

While they weren't looking, O'Chunks scraped his cabbage onto Dimentio's Plate. "All done," said O'Chunks, "I'm gonna just mosey along."

"Hold on a moment." Dimentio held up his finger. "I seem to have more on my plate than I did at the beginning of this dismal meal."

"Ehn't my problem."

"It most certainly is your problem," said Dimentio.

Mimi snapped, "Hey! You all finish what's on your plate or I'm gonna hit you all upside the heads with rubees! Mimimimimimi!"

Remembering how scary their babysitter was, the three kids shoveled the vegetables into their mouth and hurried off to wash up for bed.

Mimi turned to her friend. "You have to know how to talk to kids like this," she said.

* * *

Later, in the living room, Vivian was watching a rerun of _Flint Cragley: Cragtrotter_ when Mimi came into the room with a bowl of popcorn.

"How are the little brats?" asked Vivian.

"Same as always." Mimi sat down. "Which one is it?"

"The one where he hunts for Muths in the Gap of Crag."

"I've seen this one, it's boring."

"Totally."

Mimi held up her Cell Phone SP. "It's time for a little prank-calling!"

Vivian clapped her hands and squealed. "Who should we call?"

"How about one of your sisters?"

Vivian shook her head. "No, no, no. She'd recognize me for sure. And it's almost impossible to fool Beldam on purpose." Then her face lit up. "Hey, how about Koops?"

Mimi handed her the phone. "Here, go ahead. I don't know his number."

Vivian punched the numbers and held the phone to her ear. "Hello?… Um, so," and then she changed her voice. "This is Koopy Koo, and I was just calling to tell you how much your shell smells. Bye!" And she hung up and dissolved into giggles.

Mimi raised an eyebrow. "That's the best you can do?"

Right away Vivian stopped giggling and blushed. "I'm no good at prank calls."

Mimi rolled her eyes. "Ugh. I'll show you how it's done." Mimi scrolled through the numbers on the phone until she found the one she was looking for. "Here," she said, "I prank him all the time." She activated speakerphone and held the phone close to both of their ears.

The phone rang, and Lakilester answered it. "'Sup?"

Mimi spoke in a deep, grown-up voice. "Yes, hello, is this Lakilester?"

"Nah, man, wrong number. My name's Jonathan. No, wait, it's Spike! Yeah. Spike."

"Ah yes. I need to speak with you, Spike."

"Who's askin'?"

"I am the Secretary of Cool with an important announcement to all Cool People in the Flower Fields region."

"Oh, wow, the Secretary of Cool is actually calling me? Radical!"

"Yes, well, the first order of business is, it is decidedly uncool to say the word 'radical'. Starting today, 'tubular' is in. Second off, it is now mandatory for all cool people to paint their heads pink and throw berries at Bzzap!s."

"Man, that's gonna be tough. Those things hurt!"

"Well, you certainly don't have to, if you don't want to be cool."

"No, I wanna be cool! I want that a whole lot!"

"Then you'd better start painting your head."

"Okay. Thanks, Secretary! Keep cool! This is so ra—tubular!"

"Take care." Mimi hung up and couldn't keep the laughter inside any longer. She dissolved into a fit of uncontrollable giggling and laughing. Vivian was pretty wound up, too.

"I don't think I can do that," said Vivian after she regained control of her lungs. "I can't think on my toes. Let's just watch a scary movie."

"Okay."

They went through the castle's movie collection until they found the old classic _The Haunted Shell_, about a Koopa shell that leaves it's owner while he sleeps and attacks people. The first act was boring, all talking and setup, but in the second act it really got out of control. That shell attacked so many people. Then at the end of the act, a Yoshi ate it and the shell controlled the Yoshi powers. It could make the Yoshi stomp, fly, and breathe fire whenever it wanted, and he _couldn't spit it out_.

Vivian clutched a throw pillow as the Yoshi went after the Chancellor of the Mushroom Kingdom. "I'd better go check on the kids," she said in a high voice. "It's been a while."

"Okay," said Mimi, eating the last of the popcorn. "Too scary, huh?"

"No! It's just, we're getting paid to baby-sit, I wanna make sure the babies are being sat for."

Mimi laughed. "Whatever. Go ahead." Then, about the movie, "Ooh, that was a good one. He's not gonna get a girlfriend now!"

After Vivian left, the movie got really intense. The Haunted Shell, it turns out, wasn't the only monster shell in the world. As soon as the Yoshi had thrown the Chancellor in the dungeon, the shell jumped out of its mouth and went to summon all of its shell brethren to come forth. Then all the shells in the Koopa Kingdom jumped off the backs of their owners and charged, assembling on the front of the castle. The plucky hero and his girlfriend were just about to be overtaken when—

_BZZZ! BZZZ!_

Mimi twitched, half out of surprise, and half because the source of surprise was the fact that her SP was vibrating in her pocket. She flicked it open and checked. It was just one message saying, _Hello_.

Mimi didn't recognize the number, so she flicked the SP closed and went back to the movie. It was just getting really exciting.

The phone buzzed again. Mimi checked it. _Are you enjoying the movie_?

Mimi texted back, _dont bother me_. She didn't know who it was, but she wasn't in the mood for texting back and forth.

_You're not a good girl,_ came the next message.

Mimi frowned. _is this laklestr?_ she texted. After she sent it, she realized she had to be wrong. Lakilester couldn't know she was watching a movie, and even if he was smart enough to figure out she'd tricked her, he couldn't bluff her at all.

_Bad girls don't get more popcorn,_ he texted back.

Mimi checked the bowl. It was empty, and she was thinking about getting more.

She texted, _how do u know about that?_

She waited, no longer paying attention to the movie.

Finally, he sent, _Someone should teach you some manners._

Mimi dialed the Count's number. It went straight to his inbox. He turned the phone off during the show, like he was supposed to. Mimi wondered how anyone could spend the whole night without even looking at their mailbox, but then again, grown-ups were strange.

Her SP buzzed and another message popped up: _Like I did your friend, Vivian._

This was too scary. Mimi heard a faint thumping, which at first she thought was an extension of the thumping in her chest.

Another message: _Hasn't she been gone a while now?_

Mimi started to panic, and she looked at the number. Who was doing this to her? She looked at the number. Do I know that number, she asked herself? It wasn't the number for a Mailbox SP. It was actually the number for a regular computer.

The thumping got closer.

_where r u? _Mimi texted.

She waited with baited breath, clutching the SP so tightly it hurt her little stick hands.

Finally, a response: _The Count ought to log out of his computer once in a while. Anyone in his study can use it._

Vivian suddenly burst into the room, face flushed, hair a mess.

"Run! Call for help!" Vivian screamed. "I just barely escaped! **He's upstairs and he's got the kids**!"


	4. Sherwood and Gary's Story

_The party guests all stared at Mimi._

"_Then what?" asked Sherwood._

"_That's it."_

"_That's how it ends? But it's not over. What happens? Does the bad guy get them? Does he escape? How did he even get in?"_

_Mimi shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you. That's how the story ends."_

"_I thought you said it really happened to your sister's boyfriend's cousin or something."_

"_Well, yeah. That's how it was told it to me."_

"_But that's not an ending. The story just stops."_

"_That's what makes it so scary! Fear of the unknown."_

_Sherwood was quiet for a minute. Then, he slowly said, "I think I know what you mean. In fact, I have a story a lot like that. Fear of the unknown, you know."_

"_Oh? Let's hear it."_

"_Okay. This one takes place on an old military base, where two friends are about to get someone in over his head..."_

* * *

Nothing was more boring than guarding the storeroom. The Secret Society of the X-Nauts had conquered the Boggley Tree in Boggley Woods weeks ago (and it would still be a while until Punio would return with help.) Nothing in the storeroom was interesting, so it was hard to fathom who they were guarding it from. Besides, if an enemy had gotten in the tree, Sherwood would know long before they made it to the storeroom.

The hardest part was minding Gary. Gary was a useful X-Naut. Though he was autistic and pretty far along the spectrum, he had a brilliant head for patterns and extrapolation. Unfortunately, he could only communicate through Sherwood, who was tuned into his way of thinking, and it was hard to keep him calm and under control. Small things like certain smells, noises, lights, or mild changes in routine were enough to set him off. Sherwood had given him a special box of buttons he'd been collecting, and while Sherwood guarded Gary sat on the floor sorting them by size, then by color, then by number of holes, and every other way he could think.

Sherwood watched with idle jealousy. If only I could be as easily entertained, Sherwood thought wistfully as the last minutes of his shift dragged by. Finally, the door to the room opened and Carl entered. Carl was Sherwood's relief.

"Hey, Sherwood," said Carl. "How'd it go?"

"Eight of the most boring hours of my life," Sherwood replied dryly.

"Easy, now," said Carl as he punched in on the timeclock by the storeroom door. "Don't crush my soul this early.

Sherwood reached down to pick up Gary's buttons. Gary let out a high-pitched whine.

"That really hurts," said Carl, covering his ears.

"Sorry," said Sherwood. "I'll have him out of your hair in a second."

Gary tugged on Sherwood's ear flap. "What is it, Gare?" asked Sherwood, leaning in.

Carl didn't hear any talking, but Sherwood nodded a moment later. "Okay. I'll tell him." Sherwood turned to Carl and said, "Gary wants you to know that someone is going to break into the storeroom."

"What? How would he know?"

Sherwood shrugged. "I just said what he told me."

"Ask him how he knows."

"You know he can understand you perfectly. He just has trouble communicating."

Gary made a few clicks and flapped his hands.

"Did he just answer?" asked Carl.

"No," said Sherwood. "Those were just noises. I have no idea how he knows these things. Don't reckon he does, either."

"That's really creepy," said Carl.

Sherwood shrugged. "So anyway, be careful."

Carl scoffed. "Yeah, I'll watch out for all those nasty baddies lurking around."

"That would be us, strictly speaking," said Sherwood. "See you at breakfast."

* * *

The news was all over the tree the next morning at breakfast. In the time it took Sherwood to get out of bed and get himself and Gary down to the mess hall, he had pieced together the entire story. Apparently, Carl had been standing watch for a few monotonous hours when he heard a rustling from inside the storeroom. Thinking it was a puni who had been overlooked, or a Pider making some trouble, When he opened the door to check, he caught a glimpse of a white mouser taking the last of the rare badges the X-nauts had confiscated for Grodus. She had then, according to the story, planted a kiss on Carl, done a backflip over his head, and ran off into the night. Carl hit the panic button but no one was able to apprehend the thief. Only one or two even saw her (or at least they saw a white blur which they assumed was her.)

As soon as Sherwood and Gary had sat down, Carl picked up his tray and sat down across from them. "How did he know?"

"Good morning to you, too," said Sherwood.

"I'm serious. Did he set me up? Did he plan this?"

"He can understand you," said Sherwood tersely. "And no. He didn't."

"Are you sure?"

"He never leaves my company."

"Except when you're asleep," Carl pointed out.

"Well, yes." Sherwood hesitated."But you're talking about a guy who can't even brush his teeth by himself. How do you expect him to pull off something of that caliber? And that's not even getting into the question of motive. Why would he do such a thing? What would he have to gain?"

"Then how did he know?" Carl turned to Gary. "How did you know?"

Gary clicked his tongue but didn't answer.

"Will you relax?" said Sherwood. "You're upsetting him."

"Well, he's upsetting me, too!"

Gary's anxiety was increasing. He was stimming like crazy.

"Come on, guy. What's wrong?" Sherwood leaned in and listened to Gary. Then he turned to Carl. "Which block do you sleep in?"

"Block J. Why?"

"The Jabbis are going to launch an attack there to get part of their hive back. I'd steer clear if I were you."

"You really think that will happen?" asked Carl as a chill ran down his spine.

Sherwood shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not. Even if he's making it up, a broken clock is right twice a day." He turned to his friend. "No offence, Gare."

Gary clicked once in a friendly way to signal that he took none.

"Does he do this often?"

"From time to time."

"Is he often right?"

"I don't usually stick around to see. I'm way too busy."

"Busy? Doing what?"

"Finding buttons, for starters."

"Well, I doubt he'll be right this time. The Jabbis are completely under our control. Locked away where they can't hurt us."

"Glad you're so sure," said Sherwood. "I'm always second-guessing everything. I guess that's why I'm not ever up for promotion."He turned to his companion. "Come on, Gary, let's get those teeth clean. Crump wants to see if you can chart attack patterns for the yuxes. You like that, huh? Huh?"

Gary flapped his hands excitedly. They left together, leaving a very confused Carl behind.

* * *

The Jabbis did attack, a hundred strong. Carl had changed into his pajamas and settled in for a good night's sleep. By the time bedtime rolled around he had spent all day trying to put the warning out of his mind.

Suddenly he was pulled out of a deep sleep by a flashing red light and blaring alarm. Across the barracks, Gary started to screech in protest. Normally Sherwood would try to get him under control but you could barely hear him over the din.

"Gary, I have to go help!" Sherwood shouted over the alarm. "I'll be right back, okay?"

Gary rocked furiously on the bed.

"Be good, okay? I'll be right back. Do you understand?"

Sherwood left and joined the fray. The rest of the X-Nauts fought the Jabbis back into the depths of the tree, where they could lock them behind iron doors and keep them from the prying of the X-Nauts.

Fortunately, no one was seriously hurt, although a lot of X-Nauts had to be treated for was up half the night waiting for a medic to get to him and soothe his stinging body. He was triaged in the lowest tier, and he spent hours sulking and getting more sore and angry.

Sherwood came in with Gary just after Carl was treated. "Can you give him something to help him sleep?" he asked a passing medic. "He's really upset." The medic nodded and left to find it.

"_He's_ upset?" Carl snapped. "How do you think _we_ feel?"'

Sherwood turned to Carl. He spoke slowly, trying to be diplomatic. "I never said he was more upset than everyone else. But he faces unique challenges as an individual with autism."

"As a _freak_, you mean."

"That was really uncalled for."

"Why don't you stop freaking people out?"

"I never try. Gary's just upset because Mario will be here soon and he'll defeat this base."

"How does he _do_ that?"

"I already told you, I don't know!"

"Well, maybe he should keep some things to himself."

"Okay, I will!"Sherwood was finally losing his calm, collected façade. "I won't tell you what he said is going to happen to you!"

"Good, 'cause I don't wanna know!"

Carl stormed off, while Sherwood dragged Gary closer to where the medic was looking. Gary shrieked in protest of the rough handling. "Sorry, Gare."

* * *

Carl calmed down soon enough. He knew it was mean to direct his anger at Gary. After all, the stuff didn't happen just because he said it would. He was just mad, and frightened. It was freaky when someone told you something bad would happen and it came true.

the next evening, he went off to find Sherwood and Gary. However, he didn't find them in the barracks, the mess hall, or guarding the supplies.

He stopped another X-Naut, Marcie. "Have you seen those two guys anywhere? Sherwood and Gary?"

"Didn't you hear? They got transferred. Crump sent some information Gary made for him and it caught Sir Grodus's eye. He had them transferred to the moon just this morning.

Carl's mind went reeling. He was barely aware of saying goodbye to Marcie as he staggered down the hall.

'Good,' he thought. 'They're gone. So that's it. No more freaky predictions.

'Except the two. We're going to be attacked, and something will happen to me.

'Will we win? Will I survive?

'Have to contact them... But how? There's no mail going between top-secret bases. So how will I find out what he was going to predict about me?'

What was worse than the anticipation of knowing what was to come? As he sat on his bed, he wondered, which is worse? Knowing something terrible might happen, or never knowing what the future would bring?

Which would you pick?


	5. Dimentio's Story

_There was a silence after Sherwood finished telling the story. It seemed his audience really was pondering the question he posed._

_Suddenly, a familiar laugh rang out through the castle. "Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha..."_

_Everybody looked around, but no one could see the source._

"_Show yourself, Dimentio," warned Count Bleck._

_He did, appearing in a brilliant flash in the center of the group just above their heads. "Oh, your children's stories amuse me so. Spooky ghosts? Unknown psychopaths?" He pinched Gary's cheek. "A mute who can predict disaster? It's so adorable."_

_Mimi's face flushed. "Well, if you're such a great judge of this, why don't you try telling a story?"_

_Dimentio smiled. "I thought you'd never ask."_

"_We might have sooner if we knew you were here," said Nastasia. "Yeah, so, just an FYI? It's not a great idea to eavesdrop, K?"_

_Dimentio lowered himself to the floor. "Gather around, children. Have I a story for you..."_

* * *

Once upon a time, there were two great friends, closer than two passengers on a rush hour subway. They played together as children, studied together as students, and when the time came for them to show interest in the fairer sex, they assisted each other in the courting of fair ladies.

They lived together in isolated village, very small and wholly unremarkable, under the shadow of an enormous white tower. There were no more than a few dozen people, all filling roles needed to keep the village thriving. Some tended farmland, some raised li'l oinks, and some simply enjoyed the solitude that came with such a life. The two friends, Dimentio and O'Chunks, were two such people.

"I know that we'll always be friends," said Dimentio. "No matter what. You will be with me at every important phase of my life, starting with my wedding." He chuckled at that. "I don't have a bride yet, and you're already invited. That is how I value our friendship."

"Invited?" O'Chunks replied with a laugh. "Heck- _you'll _be _my _best man!"

Unfortunately, even in a tiny settlement on the outskirts of the most remote dimensions, the wider world has a way of affecting lives. A great war had broken out, and all able young men were called to fight. O'Chunks went off proudly, head held high. Dimentio volunteered to go with him, but was rejected for lacking in physical strength.

"Still," Dimentio told O'Chunks the morning he left, "You are my friend. I wish you luck, that your battalion is strong, and you come home in one piece. You must celebrate my wedding for me, and be the godfather of my children, after all."

"All right," said O'Chunks, "but you'll have to trick someone into marrying you first."

So they parted. For three long years, Dimentio waited for his friend to return. During that time he became smitten with a lovely village lass, and began courting her. She was beautiful, with fair green skin and long, silky green pigtails. Every time he saw her, she wore a different, lovely outfit. Often he called on her, just to see what she had made for herself for that day. After a year together, he said, "Miss Mimi, I love you and would love to spend the rest of my life with you. I only ask that we wait for my dear friend's return before we marry."

Mimi squealed and her green face went pink. "I accept! I accept!" she cried, throwing her arms around Dimentio. "I'll wait as long as it takes so long as we're together!"

Sadly, O'Chunks was not to return home in any fit state to attend the wedding. He was killed in battle, and his body was sent home to be buried a hero in the family plot. Dimentio was inconsolable. The only thing that helped him through his grief was the love of his beautiful bride-to-be. Dimentio spent a long time in mourning, with only his precious Mimikins for comfort. Finally, and since he knew his friend would want him to move on and be happy, he announced the date of the wedding. It was to be a great celebration like the village had never before seen.

The morning of the wedding, Dimentio got a carriage and picked up his wife before riding to the great tower for the ceremony. He was excited that it was going to be the best day of his life, and the beginning of many more wonderful days. However, as they passed the cemetery, he felt his spirits sink. He watched in silence as the graves passed his window.

Finally, he said, "Stop the carriage."

The driver pulled into a halt. "What's going on?" asked Mimi.

"Forgive me, my dear, but I'll only be a minute. I have... er... a promise to keep."

"Hurry back," said Mimi with understanding.

Dimentio floated through the graveyard until he found the plot he was looking for. Since he had last visited, grass had finally grown over the upturned soil, reminding him of how long it had been. "Hello, O'Chunks," said Dimentio quietly. "Sorry I haven't been by. But I remember the promise I made, and I just wanted you to know that today's the day. I'm getting married and here is your invitation. I only wish that you were able to accept it."

Dimentio planned to stay in reverence for just a minute. But as soon as he finished speaking, he felt the ground tremble. In front of him, the grave slowly opened, the soil parting under the grass, and O'Chunks's head popped out. He looked rather worse for the wear, with his chunks breaking off and his skin half-gone. Nevertheless, it couldn't have been anyone else.

"Thanks for the invite," said O'Chunks. "I knew yeh were a good friend... inviting me even in this state an' all... 'course I don't think I could very well attend. It might upset the guests."

Dimentio, though he was looking at the face of his lifelong friend, suddenly felt frightened.

"Still I want to celebrate with my friend. Why don't you come on down here and we'll have a toast to your special day."

"Erm... my bride is waiting for me in a carriage just up the road," said Dimentio.

O'Chunks laughed. "You aren't scared, are yeh? It's only me!"

Dimentio chuckled weakly, as he did see how foolish he was being. Sure, it was a ghost, but it was the ghost of his best friend. Nothing to fear.

"Only I got a few bottles of chuckola reserve down here, and I was savin' 'em in case you ever came by."

Dimentio smiled a genuine smile. "Very well. She won't mind waiting just a few minutes longer." He hopped down into the grave and into the domain of the dead.

O'Chunks poured him a glass and they talked and laughed about old times. O'Chunks regaled his friend with stories from the war that Dimentio thought he'd never been able to hear.

"Yer cup's empty," said O'Chunks. "Let me fill it." And before Dimentio could protest, it was filled again. Dimentio would have protested, but O'Chunks immediately reminded him of a very funny inside joke they used to tell each other, and that set them both off talking and laughing about old times.

Again, Dimentio eventually emptied his cup. "Now I must go," said Dimentio. "Mimi is probably worried for me."

"One last cup," said O'Chunks. "'Cause it'll really be the last one, least until we meet again in the next world. When you're ready to play the big Level -1."

"Very well," said Dimentio, noticing that the time was going by far too quickly. He accepted the cup, they talked and laughed some more, and finally Dimentio was finished. "Now I must really say farewell," he said. "I promise I won't forget this."

"G'bye, old friend," said O'Chunks. "I'll not forget soon, either.

O'Chunks gave him a leg-up, and Dimentio pulled himself out of the grave.

As soon as he set foot on the ground, he realized something was wrong. The grass in the cemetery was overgrown. Not neatly trimmed at all, it towered almost up to Dimentio's shoulders. He turned around, confused, to ask O'Chunks- but the grave behind him was closed and overgrown, as if it had never opened up at all. What's more, the headstone of polished stone that clearly stated the deceased's name and date of birth and death, was so worn it was nearly impossible to read, and covered with ivy.

"Perhaps I had a bit too much," Dimenti thought as he floated low through the cemetery. He found not a single grave that _wasn't_ in such condition. When he got back to the road, he found that the carriage was no longer waiting for him.

"She must have gone on ahead," Dimentio told himself as he glided down the path. "I suppose I did keep her waiting a bit long, but the wedding will only be a _little _late if I make it there in good time..."

Outside the cemetery, though, he found something even stranger. For he did not find himself in the small village he called himself home. Rather, this seemed to be a large... a large _city_, by the looks of it. There were rows and rows of shops and houses built in grand stone, polished and sturdy rather than the thatched homes he was used to. Parts of the city were lined with iron gates the likes of which Dimentio had never seen before. There were even different levels, floors built above floors and boxes on invisible tracks to carry you between them.

And the people! There were so many of them, young and old, men and women, talking, traveling, and generally making a great noise that was nothing like Dimentio's quiet hometown. Not to mention, his whole life he had recognized every single person who lived there. Now he saw not a single familiar face. "Perhaps my friend accidentally sent me up the wrong grave," Dimentio thought in a panic, until he saw it: the great white stone tower rising high above the city.

"Then this is my home," he said, "but what happened?"

People gave him a wide berth as he approached the familiar tower. Dimentio frowned, but he could understand it. He was, after all, covered in grave dirt. There was a dark purple house next to the tower that had never been there before. Dimentio pounded on the door.

An old, robed Shaman answered the door. "Hello? What can I do for you?"

"Please, you have to help me!" Dimentio said quickly. "I don't know what's going on! This- this is my home, but everything's wrong!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"The buildings- theyr'e all wrong, and there are too many- and the floors, where did they- I've lived here my whole life, and it's never been like this!"

The man invited Dimentio in. "Calm down, calm down," he said soothingly. "That's it. Now, come inside and tell me everything. My name is Merlon."

"Dimentio," said Dimentio quickly. Then he began to tell the story of his botched wedding day, the carriage ride, the visit to the cemetery, the joyous reunion with his dead friend, and his return to town.

"That's an unusual story," said Merlon uncertainly.

"It's true," Dimentio pleaded. "Tell me, why is this happening?"

"Please, sit down." said Merlon. "Let me just check a few things... Tippi?" he called.

A rainbow-colored pixl fluttered into the room. "Yes, Merlon?"

"I request your assistance. Take that record book there and see if you can find anything in it about a man named Dimentio..."

Merlon took his own book and poured through it. Dimentio sat down stiffly, and waited as they looked. Hours passed, and with each flip of the page Dimentio's heart sank further. They went deep into the books, deeper than Dimentio would have thought necessary- after all, you have to write records chronologically, and he was _right here_. And nothing of interest had happened in the village since the death of O'Chunks, if you didn't count today.

"A-ha!" shouted Merlon.

"What? What is it?" Dimentio jumped up.

"I found a very interesting story here," said Merlon. "It seems that a young man one day disappeared in a cemetery, leaving his bride-to-be waiting in the carriage. When he didn't come back, she and the rest of the wedding party went searching for him. He was not to be found. In the following months the entire village searched, while the bride waited home inconsolable. However, the young man was never seen again... a few pages later the bride is married to a different man... and nothing more until the record of their deaths."

"That's impossible," said Dimentio. "I'm right here. I've been gone only a few hours now!" He leaned over and looked at the record. "This is a story from over three hundred years ago! It has nothing to do with me."

"Do you really think so?" asked Merlon. "Time passed differently for the dead than the rest of the world. You climbed into the domain of the ghosts, you shared their drinks. Don't you see. You have become a ghost yourself."

* * *

_Though I'm lead to believe this is based on an old folk tale that I'm unable to source, I did take inspiration from a particular story in a compilation. In the interest of full disclosure, here is the citation of that story._

_P__almer, Geoffrey, and Noel Lloyd. "Invitation to a Ghost." The Ghostly Hand and Other Haunting Stories. Ed. Nora Kramer. New York: Scholastic Book Services, 1972. 25-32. Print._

_from Ghost Stories Around the World by Geoffrey Palmer and Noel Lloyd. Reprinted in The Ghostly Hand by special permission of Roy Publishers, Inc._


	6. Mr L's Story

_Dimentio's story preceded the longest silence yet as the party guests digested it._

"_That's a pretty deep ending," said Tippi, breaking the quiet._

"_Kinda blows my story out of the water," Sherwood mumbled._

"_No, your story was great," said Mimi._

"_Yes," said Dimentio, "if anything it blows Mimi's story out of the water. A story, I might add, I have read in countless volumes of famous urban legends-"_

"_It really did happen!" Mimi argued. "And besides, no one said the stories had to be original! They just had to be spooky!"_

_It was at that point that Mario pointed out their ranks had dwindled a bit since the start of the party. Indeed, as the others looked around they realized that Mr. L was no longer sitting in the circle, and hadn't been for some time._

_Princess Peach found him hiding behind a floor vase just outside the room, hat pulled down as far as it would go. "What's wrong?" she asked sweetly._

_Mr. L was shaking like a Super Leaf. He peered out from under the hat and said, "You _know _I have a thing about ghosts!"_

"_Oh, I'm sorry, Luigi" said Peach and she really meant it. "I thought you were getting better about it... I didn't realize we were upsetting you."_

"_Well... yeah, I still do," he grumbled._

"_Do you have a story to tell?" asked Peach. "One without ghosts?"_

"_Sort of," said Mr. L._

_"Why don't we give you a turn, then." Peach coaxed him back into the meeting room. "Everyone, now Luigi is going to tell a story," she announced._

_Dimentio floated down to the ground and sat. "This should be delightful."_

_Count Bleck glanced at him. "If you're going to stay, you really should wear a costume."_

"_My dear Count, I am never without a costume."_

_Mr. L cleared his throat. "Okay... here's my story."_

* * *

Two brothers, Mario and Luigi, had just finished traveling through Teehee Valley. It was a long and exhausting trip. It would have wiped them out even if there weren't hundreds of monsters lurking around waiting for their chance to attack, and after fighting their way through all day, both of them were ready to kick back and relax in Little Fungitown before they started working on what business had brought them there to begin with.

Mario was worn out from the journey and just wanted to relax at the Toad House. There were rooms there available for travelers. Luigi, however, wanted to have fun at the arcade.

"Do you want me to stay here?" Luigi offered. "You know, in case you need anything."

Mario insisted that it was all right. He was just tired and needed a good night's sleep.

"If you're sure, then," said Luigi. He paused, but felt that Mario was in good hands. After all, Toad Houses were internationally recognized as places where you could be refreshed and revitalized by a good night's sleep. No matter how tired or beaten down you were, a night at a Toad House could fix most all your problems. Though there should also be an international decorating standard, Luigi thought as he noticed the tacky decor: pink and cream tiled floors, orange zig-zagged bedspread, and peach and cream striped wallpaper. No accounting for taste.

Luigi went to the arcade, where you could win prizes if you scored high enough on the games. He picked a machine and spent much more time than he should have trying to get all the little figures into the right pockets. It wasn't so much that he wanted to win the prize; he just wanted to _win._ Still, he only had a certain amount of coins he could spend on frivolous recreation, and when he was all tapped, he had to put the game aside. Still, it was a shame to spend so long on a machine trying to win a prize and walk off empty-handed.

"Mario'll probably be glad to see me," said Luigi, though at the same time he wondered if his brother would prefer the quiet of solitude a more comfortable way to rest. With that thought, he spent another hour or two browsing the shops for some new equipment he might be able to use. Eventually, fully relaxed from an afternoon of touristing, he returned to the Toad House.

"Hello," said the Toad running the place. "Planning on staying here overnight? I can get you set up with a room."

"Actually, I was here earlier," said Luigi. "Me and my brother are staying in Room 3."

The Toad frowned. "Room 3? Sorry, that one's not available. You can have Rooms 1 or 2. They're both empty."

"No, I know it's not available," said Luigi. "That's where I'm already staying. Did my bro ask to not be disturbed? I'm pretty sure he didn't mean me."

"Nobody's staying in that room," said Toad. "But it takes a while to clean them between guests, and we've been a little busy today. We haven't started yet. If you come back in an hour, we'll have it ready for you then."

"Look, obviously there's been a miscommunication," said Luigi. "I was here a few hours ago with my brother. You know. He looks like me, only shorter and more red. I left him to take a nap while I went shopping and to the arcade."

"Sounds like you've been enjoying the sights of our little town," Toad said in a happy voice.

"Yeah. And now I want to come back and relax in the room I'm already staying in, with my brother, who is already here."

"I'm not sure where your brother is, but he's not here. Nobody's here. The last guest checked out at noon, and you're the first one to come by since then."

"So why has it taken you so long to get Room 3 ready? You should have finished hours ago."

Toad was becoming a bit less polite with each exchange. "Not that it's any of your business, but one of our guests threw a little party in one of our rooms and it took quite a bit longer than usual to clean up."

"Come on, just let me in."

"I wouldn't advise that."

"Look, let me just show you. It's my room, I've been in there already. I know what it looks like, okay? How would I know that if I'd never been here before? Just let me in to see my brother. He wasn't feeling well, and I should check up on him."

"Okay," said Toad with a smirk. "If you're so smart, what's the decor look like?"

"Pink and cream tiled floors, orange zig-zagged bedspread, and hideously tacky peach and cream striped wallpaper," said Luigi.

Toad raised an eyebrow. Then without a word he went over to the door to room 3 and opened it. Luigi leaned over and looked in.

"Th- this can't be!'

The room was completely different: The bed was pushed up on the north wall instead of the west, and the dresser was on the other side. As Toad had said, the room hadn't been clean. For one, the bed wasn't made; but the bedspread wasn't orange. It was fuschia, and checkered with hot pink. The floor wasn't orange tile, it was blue and purple diamond carpet. And the wallpaper, instead of being pink and cream, was striped dark and light purple.

"You must be thinking of one of our other locations," said Toad. "This has always been our design scheme."

"What did you do?" Luigi spun around and glared at Toad.

"What do you mean what did I do? I didn't do anything, you didn't give me a chance to clean yet!"

"Why is everything all different? When did you do this? Where is my bro?"

"What do you mean when? We didn't have time to do anything! Sir, if you're not going to settle for one of our other fine rooms, I'm going to have to ask you to leave?"

"But what happened to my brother?"

"I'm certain I don't know. Please leave now."

Luigi was unceremoniously ejected from the premises. In the years that followed, he would replay the events over and over in his head. He told the story many times over the years, to an audience that only occasionally believed him. Some people theorized that during his outing, he had slipped into an alternate universe that was mostly the same with only a few minor differences, one of which was that he was an only child. Other people said that Mario had come down with a bad case of Bean Fever. While Luigi was gone he was turned into a bean, and the Toad House had to clean out the room of any chance of contamination, and lied about it so tourists wouldn't be afraid to visit.

All that was certain was that Luigi never saw his brother again after that day, and no one ever solved the mystery of the vanishing room.

* * *

_This one is based on a supposedly true story that took place around the Paris Expo at the turn of the last century. Since then it has been embellished and recounted many times in story compilations and television programs such as Alfred Hitchcock Presents and the aforementioned Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction._


	7. O'Chunks's Story

"_It's very interesting," mused Dimentio._

"_What? What's interesting?" asked Mr. L._

"_How much the story told reflects the story_teller_."_

"_How do you mean?"_

"_Well," said Dimentio. "Your story about the two brothers reflects your own dependence on your brother, and how frightening it would be for you to lose that. Mimi, ever the juvenile, tells a story about a young lady gaining her first taste of responsibility and having it all go horribly wrong. Sherwood, who no doubt wishes that his own companion would one day be self-sufficient, comes up with a story in which a severely disabled man conjures a power no one can understand. It's very interesting, is all."_

"_Yeah?" scoffed Old Man Watchitt, who had been only tertiarily paying attention to the stories this whole time. "So what's your story about? How much you shoulda watched it?"_

"_Isn't it obvious?" said Count Bleck. "Dimentio's was a cautionary tale about how friendship can backfire on you, even unintentionally." Count Bleck did not clarify, as he still had not made it public that he knew Dimentio's biggest secret: that he longed for redemption and friendship to replace the void left after his struggle for power was ended._

_Dimentio glanced at the Count uncertainly, for even Dimentio didn't know he knew. "Interesting interpretation," he murmured._

_O'Chunks raised his hand. "Okay, I got one. Let's see if you can figure out what it means to me."_

* * *

War. War never changes.

The X-Nauts waged war to gather wealth and power. Bowser built an empire from his lust for territory and a certain princess. Smithy brought a few forged weapons into a star-gathering superpower.

But war never changes.

The general O'Chunks led a force one thousand strong across enemy lines to take back land that belonged to his people. It would have been the grandest military victory in the history of all dimensions. Would have been, except that his most trusted advisor had turned on him and decided he wanted to align himself with the other side. He took all of O'Chunks's plans to that side, told them everything, and when O'Chunks and his army got there, the enemy was waiting for them.

One thousand good men died that day on O'Chunks's side. He himself was left to die in the battlefield as the opposing army claimed victory, not just of his battle but of the entire war. In two days time, his home country surrendered unconditionally.

Life for O'Chunks is about to change.

* * *

As O'Chunks lay there, he wondered if he was really going to die. Certainly he ought to, for a general wouldn't lead a thousand men to death only to slip through the cracks himself. But then, he had survived. And if he survived, it was for a reason. Probably so he could raise another army, a bigger army, a better army, and attack again. Lest his men's deaths be in vain.

"Lonely out here, isn't it, said a mysterious voice."

O'Chunks sat up slowly, his head spinning. "Who's there?"

"Only me. Count Bleck."

O'Chunks turned his head around slowly until he spotted the white-caped, top-hatted man of darkness. He was hovering in the air, no doubt to keep the dirt and grime of the battlefield from staining his clothes.

"I read in the Prognosticus there was to be a great battle," said Count Bleck, "so I came to see for myself."

"There was," said O'Chunks. "But not fer me."

"That's a shame," said Count Bleck. "I suppose you'll have to go back home now. What will they say?"

"That I'm a failure," O'Chunks said miserably.

"Oh, but you're not a failure," said Count Bleck. "I've heard tales about you, O'Chunks. You've led men to victory all across the borders. You could have singlehandedly won the war if only..."

There was a heavy silence.

"Yeah," agreed O'Chunks. "If only."

"But it matters not. I am currently in the market for a good soldier. Someone to whip my crew into shape. Count Bleck has a great mission ahead of him, you see."

O'Chunks rubbed the knot on the back of his head slowly. "Yeh'll take me... even after seein' all o' this here?" And with his other arm, he swept it slowly across the wreckage of the battle.

"Of course," said Count Bleck. "No one can fail spectacularly without first dreaming spectacularly, and striving to be, well, spectacular. That is how I want my men, O'Chunks. Spectacular."

"There's nothing spectacular about me," said O'Chunks sadly.

"Yes, there is," said Count Bleck. "Dedicate your life, your service, your essence to me, and I guarantee you'll see it."

O'Chunks looked at Count Bleck with awe. "You mean yeh'll take me... just like that?"

"Do we have a deal?"

O'Chunks held out his hand. Count Bleck took it in his dainty white glove, which was immediately stained brown on contact. "We have a deal. If yeh'll have me, I live only to serve you."

So O'Chunks agreed, and Count Bleck took him to his small outpost in the forest to recover. The outpost was currently empty except for the two of them- "I'm still recruiting, admitted Count Bleck,"- and O'Chunks had a lot of time to ponder his failure.

The Count was a good man, O'Chunks knew that. He could feel it in his chunks. The problem was, O'Chunks thought Bleck was too good a man for him. How could he, the greatest failure his military had ever known, ever help? "Count Bleck's a good man," O'Chunks told himself sternly, "and yeh'll pay 'im back by leading his troops to their doom."

So great was his regret that he spent much time outside by himself, playing his failure over and over again in his head. "What am I gonna do?" he asked himself, though he never had an answer. "What am I gonna do?"

"Got problems, little guy?" a tiny voice spoke up.

O'Chunks looked around. He was sitting on a rock not too far from the outpost, but he couldn't see anyone or anything out of the ordinary. "Who's there?" he demanded. He wasn't certain he liked the implied size of anyone who referred to him as a little guy.

"Down here," said the voice. O'Chunks looked down and saw he was speaking to a tiny, white skull half-embedded in the ground. It had a long nose and ridges all down the back, and a little clawed hand poking out of the ground nearby. "Yo. It's me."

"A talking skull," said O'Chunks. "Is this some sort of magic, or have I just lost me mind?"

"Oh, I assure you this is real," assured the skull. "I heard you bemoaning a certain problem. You want to prove yourself worthy to the count, am I right?"

"Yeah... yeah that's right."

"Well, you know what you can do for him?"

"What?"

"Get him a proper place to reside," the skull said. "A count like that deserves a manor, a castle. A count like that deserves a palace."

"And where'm I gonna get a palace?"

"Where do you think? You'll take one. Charge into one of the castles your enemy laid their dirty hands on. Those castles don't belong to them. They belong to your people. Take one back and give it to your Count, and he'll be sure that he made the right choice in trusting you."

"Yeah, that's all well and good," said O'Chunks, "but how'm I gonna take a castle by myself?"

"Did I say by yourself? No. You'll need an army, natch."

"And I'm going to get this army where?"

"I can get one for you."

"You?" O'Chunks looked the skull and claw up and down. "And where are yeh keepin' the army? Under yer snout?"

"I have my ways," replied the skull. "Do you want it?"

"And what's it gonna cost me?"

"No big thing, no big thing," said the skull. "Just do me a favor in return. When I think of one, I'll call on you. And you just do it, no questions. What do you say? Is it worth it for the army?"

O'Chunks thought over this proposition, and grinned. "Yeah. We have a deal." He reached out his big fist, took the little claw, and they shook on it.

Immediately, little bubbles of earth began to rise in the ground all around O'Chunks, and when the popped, hundreds of little Skellobits with sharp spears sprung out of the ground and gathered around their new general.

"Voila," said the skull. "Your army."

O'Chunks scanned the crowd, at first trying to count them, but found that there were too many. There might have been as many as a thousand.

O'Chunks grinned. "Gentlemen, let's march!"

* * *

It didn't take long for him to lead his Skellobit army to the castle of the general whom his advisor betrayed him to. Since the war was technically over, the security at the castle was much more lax than it would have been. Adding to the fact that no one saw his dark blue army coming in the middle of the night, and it was very easy for O'Chunks to drive everyone out. He then set the entire army patrolling the grounds, in case they came back, and fetched his Count immediately.

"O'Chunks!" Count Bleck said in awe when O'Chunks brought him to the castle. "This is... I don't know what to say. I knew you would be a valuable asset, but I never thought... I never realized... this will be perfect!"

O'Chunks grinned broadly. "Glad I could help yeh out."

"A castle this big needs filling," said Count Bleck. "I'm off to recruit more minions!"

And when he returned with his own monsters, and his trusted dungeon bosses, O'Chunks spent all of his time whipping them into shape to better serve the Count. As the time passed, he became the Count's most trusted and useful minion. So, having had his part of the bargain delivered beautifully, he decided to find the skull again and tell it the good news.

It was exactly where he'd left it, snoozing away peacefully in the dirt. O'Chunks woke it up gently, and it smiled and listened as he told it of all his good fortune.

"Sounds like you got your money's worth," said the skull.

"Yeah, but I haven't paid yet," replied O'Chunks.

"Ah, yes, there's the little matter of my favor... I've been mulling it over, see..." the skull looked up at him. All skulls grin, but this one's seemed to be particularly malicious.

Again, the dirt bubbled up as something tried to escape. All the ground around the skull gave way as an enormous, snakelike skeleton burst out of the ground. Even the skull, which had seemed so small half-buried there, turned out to be enormous and really only about an eighth buried. He had grasping claws, that snatched O'Chunks off the ground and a wheeled cannon for his base which he used to roll out of the clearing.

"What I want from you," said the beast Bonechill, who had tricked O'Chunks into thinking he was a harmless skull, "is for you to take my place in the Underwhere. I've been locked up for ages, and I can only be completely free if I trick some fool into giving me his soul to lock up in my dungeon!"

"What? You can't- I never agreed-"

"You promised me you would do _anything_," said Bonechill. "Never promise anything if you aren't prepared to deliver."

O'Chunks struggled, but Bonechill had him in a death grip. "Count!" he roared, hoping against hope that he would be heard. "Help me!"

Count Bleck's dimensional ear was finely tuned to O'Chunks, and he appeared in a flash. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Nothing to concern yourself with," said Bonechill. "This gullible mortal has promised me his soul."

"Is that so? asked Count Bleck skeptically."

"Yes," replied Bonechill, "that is so."

"Then I think you'll find it difficult to collect," said Count Bleck. He flexed his right glove, which he had never quite gotten the stains out of. "For you see, this man has already promised his soul to me."

"Don't lie to me," spat Bonechill. "You're just cranky I'm taking your best man away."

"You think I'd leave my best man without my best protection? He promised me his life, his very essence. We shook on it, and that bound his contract. Go ahead. Try and take him down and away from me, and see what happens."

Bonechill sneered, and in a flash of icy fire, he vanished. O'Chunks, who was no longer being held up, came crashing down to the ground. Slowly, he got up and dusted himself off.

"Dangerous thing, making deals you don't entirely understand," said Count Bleck.

"Yeah..."

"You're very lucky you met me first," he continued. "And _very_ lucky I haven't decided to take advantage of it. For when you deal in matters of the soul, the time will always come when they come to collect."


	8. Tippi's Story

"_Fascinating," said Count Bleck. He turned to Dimentio. "So, what do you think it means?"_

_Dimentio, who was still a bit distracted, glanced at the Count, then at O'Chunks, and just shrugged._

"_Well, there you have it," said Count Bleck. "A wonderful story, O'Chunks. Well, then. Who's next?"_

"_I'd like to go next," said Tippi._

"_Ooh," said Princess Peach. "What kind of story do you have, Tippi?"_

"_It's kind of a sad one," said Tippi. "It starts on the day of a funeral..."_

* * *

The recently widowed Timpani stood in front of the crowd of mourners right in front of the open grave. As the last prayer was said, the casket containing the body of her late husband Blumiere was lowered slowly into the ground. The bright sun shone from behind the crowd, casting a shadow over the grave.

After the service, the mourners broke up. Some of them stayed to give her their condolences. Others simply bade good-bye and left, planning on dropping by later to offer assistance with food or house-cleaning, as is traditional when visiting a grieving widow.

The last to leave besides Timpani was Merlon. He stayed a distance from her until everyone else was gone and still she stood, alone looking down into the grave. At that point, he slowly approached her side.

"Any idea what you're going to do next?" he asked.

Timpani shook her head. "No. I just can't stand the thought of going back to that big castle all by myself. It's too full of memories... and too empty at the same time."

"If all you need is a place to go," said Merlon, "I can help you with that. Why don't you come back to my house in Flipside? You can stay as long as you need to."

Timpani had not cried during the service. She had cried when she got news that her husband had been killed by monsters while traveling through another dimension, but by the time the funeral rolled around hers was a grief beyond tears. Merlon's offer finally broke through the wall and the missing tears welled up in Timpani's eyes. "Thank you," she said in a choked voice. "I would like that."

* * *

For a few days she stayed in Merlon's house. To keep busy she went back to her old job of looking through musty old books to find references to his current studies. It was nice to keep her mind off of her husband for a few hours. She missed him so much, she could still see him out of the corner of her eyes sometimes. She would turn to look, only to find that it was nothing. Just a trick of the light, willing her to believe that her Blumiere would come back to her.

Then one day, nearly a week after the funeral, a visitor came for her. Timpani answered the door, as Merlon was busy studying. It was Nastasia, the lady from the bank.

"Hello," said Timpani. "Would you like to come in?"

"Yeah," said Nastasia, stepping across the threshold. "Okay, so, it's not good news that brings me here. Actually, it's pretty bad. And I'm sorry that it is, given that you've just lost your husband, but it's not really something that can be put off."

"Oh, no," said Timpani. "What is is it?"

"It's the castle. A while ago, your husband took out a big loan from us when he was in financial trouble. He used the castle as collateral."

"I remember that." Timpani nodded with understanding. "Go on."

"Well, he'd been making regular payments for a while... then he stopped, and he asked for an extension."

"He never told me that."

"Yeah. So he fell behind, and then more behind... and I'm sorry, but unless you make a payment of 50,000 coins by next Friday, the castle will have to be taken by the bank."

Timpani gasped. "Fifty thousand? I don't know where... we don't have that kind of money!"

"He never told you?" Nastasia did sound concerned.

"No, I had no idea..."

Nastasia looked down for a moment. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I wish I could give you more time... but it's not my decision. If I don't come to repossess the castle, one of my coworkers will." She cleared her throat. "I'll just leave now. I don't want to intrude on... well, goodbye."

After she was gone, Timpani burst into tears. She flopped down on Merlon's stuffed chair and cried until she ran out of tears. Eventually, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Merlon looking down on her sadly. "I heard," he said.

"I don't know what I'm going to do," she said.

"We'll figure something out."

* * *

That night, as she opened the door to her bedroom, she thought she saw her husband sitting on the edge of her bed. But after she blinked, he was gone.

The next day, she had to go to the castle for the difficult task of boxing up everything they had owned. Going through Blumiere's things was the hardest, as everything of his had a story that reminded her to cry. Some of it was valuable, but even if she could part with it, it wouldn't add up to enough to save the castle.

Merlon was there for her, of course. He helped her go through their possessions, and he listened to the stories that each precious object reminded her of. It helped immensely to have an ear listen to the memories.

Around lunchtime, Timpani pushed the boxes aside. "I'll go to the kitchen and see what's left," she said. "There should be enough for a good meal for us both in the pantry."

"Would you like me to come?" Merlon offered.

"No, thank you," said Timpani. She got up and left the room, then headed down the hall.

Again, out of the corner of her eye, she saw her husband's white cape swishing. This time, when she turned around, she saw him clearly, exactly as he had been. She only saw him for a moment, walking into another room.

"Blumiere?" she said out loud. She knew it was impossible, even a little crazy, but she had to follow him. She ran quickly down the hall and opened the door to the library. Blumiere's library.

It was exactly as it had been left. All of the books were arranged meticulously on the shelves, everything in it's place. There was a fireplace, where a fire was usually crackling to keep the readers warm, and two chairs pulled up beside it.

"Just my imagination," she said, and turned to leave. Just as she was facing the door out, though, she heard a loud thump. Timpani spun around and saw the source of the noise: a thick, green book had fallen off the shelf and landed on it's spine, opened to a page in the center.

Timpani bunched up her skirt and crossed the room. She knelt down and peered at the page the book was opened to. It was an old treasure map. Timpani picked up the book and took it out to the hall, to a bright lamp where she could read the fading ink. It looked like a map of a nearby dimension, and in the far corner was a bright X, labeled _Here I lay my oldest treasure._

"If only," said Timpani. But she knew it was only wishful thinking. Even if the treasure hadn't been found- and this was a very old book- and it was enough to save her castle, there was no way she could find it. The place where it was hidden was swarming with monsters, and she had no way to fight them. She'd end up the same way as her husband if she wasn't careful.

Timpani kept the book with her as she made lunch, and tucked it under her arm as she brought the meal back to Merlon. She couldn't quite explain it, but given the strange circumstances surrounding how she found it, she felt as if Blumiere wanted her to have the book.

"Interesting," said Merlon, taking his lunch and eyeing the book. "To keep or to sell?"

"Keep," said Timpani.

* * *

That night, she lay awake in bed, pouring over the map. After a close examination, and checking it with some of Merlon's old books, she felt confident that it was a map of Yold Desert. She couldn't help thinking that this was the book that was going to save her castle. But she couldn't understand how. It looked so dangerous, so life-threatening, she couldn't imagine how she was going to get to the treasure.

"Blumiere, what do you want me to do?" she whispered.

At that moment, the lamp beside her bed went out.

Timpani giggled softly, the first time she'd laughed in ages. "You want me to go to sleep, is that it?" She put the book aside and pulled the covers up to her chin. "Good night, Blumiere," she whispered.

* * *

Timpani woke up long before dawn and couldn't get back to sleep. She opened the book again, and just knew she had to try. So she left early without disturbing Merlon, went to her castle to pack food and lots of water, then left for the desert.

The sun was high overhead before she made it to the edge of the desert where the grass died out and the sand took over. As she walked, she spotted the monsters of the desert, cherbils and boomboxers and goombas, but they didn't pay her any mind if she kept a wide berth.

"This might be possible," she thought to herself. "I might make it after all!" She didn't let herself think that if the treasure was this easy to find, someone else might have taken it long ago. For the first time in a long time, things were going her way.

Unfortunately, her good luck had to end sometime. Timpani was treading in the sand very carefully when a boomboxer came up behind her and blasted a very loud string of notes to knock her off-balance. She stumbled forward- right into a pit of quicksand!

"Help me!" she shouted, knowing that no one was nearby to help her as she struggled to pull herself out of the sand that was slowly sucking her down.

A Jawbus heard her shout and woke up, hopped over to her, and licked it's chops. It was hungry for a meal it didn't have to chase. Timpani closed her eyes tight as it bent down to gobble her up.

Through her closed eyes, she saw a blinding flash of white. Timpani opened her eyes, but it was so bright she had to close them again. She squinted, opening them as far as she could, and saw a man, radiating white light, hovering between her and the monster.

"Blumiere?" she whispered.

She felt someone grab her arm, and the light disappeared. The Jawbus had retreated into its body to escape the brightness and was now slinking away. "Come with me," said Merlon's voice, and he teleported her out of the sand and back to safety.

"What were you doing out there?" he asked.

Sheepishly, Timpani held up the book with the map and told her of how she found it, saying she felt that Blumiere wanted her to find it. "But I was wrong," she said. "Blumiere would never lead me into danger." But he protected me, she finished silently.

Merlon took the book and flipped through it.

"I'm sorry," she continued. "I know it was foolish, I just wanted to keep the castle so much."

Merlon didn't appear to be listening. He was flipping pages quickly, but trying hard not to damage them. Finally, he looked up at her and said in a voice filled with awe, "Do you know what this is?"

"No," said Timpani, "just one of Blumiere's old books."

"This is the Book of Lost Records!" Merlon said excitedly. "So many of my books make reference to it, so I knew long that it existed, but never found it. This book chronicles so many ages... it once belonged to a great library, and was the only one that escaped it's destruction in ancient times. Every other book detailing the same period was destroyed centuries ago! Timpani," he said with awe, "this is the single most valuable book in the world. If you were to hold an auction, you could use the money to pay off all of Blumiere's debts and live like a queen for the rest of your life!" He looked at the book again, and then threw his arms around Timpani. "If you hadn't found it when you did, it might have been overlooked!"

"So he _did_ want me to find it," said Timpani. "The page it opened to was just a coincidence..." She suddenly thought of something. "Merlon, how did you know where to find me?"

"What? From your note, of course." Merlon held up a note: _I've gone to Yold Desert to find a lost treasure. I'll try to return shortly- and safely. Love, Timpani_.

Timpani took the note. "Oh, Blumiere," she whispered. "You'll always watch over me, won't you?"


	9. Bowser's Story

_Tippi's story received applause from Peach and Mimi. "Oh, that was so sweet," said Mimi, reaching for her handkerchief._

"_I agree," said Peach. "True love that lasts forever..." She reached over and gave Mario a squeeze. Mario, not against receiving affection he didn't actually do anything to earn, returned the hug._

_Count Bleck clapped his hands. "Who's next?"_

_All of a sudden, the remaining lights in the room went out. _

"_What was that?"_

"_Who's there?"_

"_Somebody pinched me!"_

"_Why isn't this flashlight working, grumbled Count Bleck?"_

_Then, just outside the circle, a jet of fire blasted out. The crowd jumped aside, and suddenly everyone watching screamed- for the fire was issuing forth from a dead, white skull!_

"_AAAAAHHHH!"_

_Count Bleck slapped his flashlight and the light came back on. The stream of fire stopped as he shined it directly into the skull._

"_Bowser!" Mr. L said angrily._

_It was Bowser, wearing a papier-mâché skull and laughing heartily. "Oh, man, I knew you were a bunch of scardy-cats!"_

"_Squirps was so frightened he almost squiped his squee-wonk!" Squirps curled up on the ground and trembled._

"_I had to do _something _to spice up this snore-fest of a Halloween party," said Bowser. "I mean, come on. Your stories are so lame. I thought these were supposed to be _spooky_, not vaguely supernatural but at the same time life-affirming. I'm looking at you, Fairy Meat."_

"_Hey, it was a good story!" Mimi snapped._

_Count Bleck tossed the flashlight underhand to Bowser. "Very well. Let's hear what you think a spooky story sounds like._

"_I thought you'd never ask."_

"_I would have earlier if you hadn't left ages ago to find a skull big enough for your oversized head."_

"_What'd you say to me?!"_

"_Count Bleck said nothing."_

"_Yeah, that's what I thought you said." Bowser shone the flashlight under his chin. "Here's my story, and it's gonna send a chill right down your spine and out your butt."_

"_Ew."_

* * *

Bowser let off a particularly fierce blast of fire, and the last of the noble Star Spirits was knocked out of his way. "Ha!" Bowser puffed up with pride. "They said it couldn't be done, but I did it!" He stepped forward to claim the Star Rod. Behind him, Kamek soared around on his broom, using his magic to immobilize the weakened Star Spirits.

"Actually," said Skolar, from where he lay on the ground, "no one ever said it _couldn't_ be done. They said it _shouldn't_ be done."

"Couldn't, shouldn't same diff." Bowser snatched the Star Rod from the pedestal.

"No. _Big_ diff," insisted Misstar.

Kamek pointed his wand at Misstar. "You will not speak to my master with such insolence!"

"They're right," said Eldstar. "The Star Rod was only ever meant to be wielded by Star Spirits. Should any other try and use it's powers of wish-granting for their own gain, horrible consequences will befall them.

"Yeah, right," said Bowser. "You're just saying that to scare me."

"You should be afraid. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

Bowser rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He held the Rod up high. "Oh, yeah! Time to start making some wishes! Kamek! I'm going back to the castle. You put the Star Spirits behind seven impenetrable barriers in different lands with some fearsome guards, okay?"

"As you wish." Kamek levitated the immobilized Star Spirits. "Let's get going," he said to the Star Spirits.

* * *

Kamek returned to Bowser's Castle several hours to find his boss sitting on his royal throne, holding the Star Rod and swinging it absentmindedly. "Have you made your wishes yet?" he asked.

"Nah," said Bowser. "I can't decide what to wish for first! I mean, there's so many things I want!"

"If I may make a suggestion," said Kamek cautiously.

"Go on.

"Well, the Royal Treasury has been looking a bit... peakish lately. Perhaps a wish to replenish His Spikeyness's wealth would be a good first step."

"Great idea," said Bowser. He held up the Rod. "Star Rod, that's my wish. Money! Lots of money!"

He kept it held straight up, but nothing happened. Bowser's arm began to get tired and he lowered it. "Um... so, did it work?"

"Perhaps we should check the treasury," suggested Kamek.

Bowser hopped up and left the throne room for the vault where his treasure was kept. When he opened the door, he found nothing more than a few measly piles of coins. "Kamek, count them," Bowser ordered. "Balance the budget. I want to see how much richer I got."

"Your Nastiness, even if the wish did indeed work, it doesn't look like you received even a handful of coins."

Bowser tapped the wand against his wrist. "You're right. The stupid thing must be broken. Kamek! Find the user manual for this thing and figure out how to work it. I'm going to bed." He tossed the Star Rod to Kamek. "And don't even think about making any wishes with it or I'll eat you."

"I wouldn't dream of it," said Kamek after he caught it.

* * *

Bowser slept peacefully through the night, and woke up refreshed and in a very good mood. "What a great power nap," he said as he got up. "Now to see if Kamek figured out how to work the Star Rod."

He found Kamek back in the throne room with a pile of books around him, one of them propped up against a stack of others. Kamek was holding the Star Rod and reading intently.

"Figure it out yet?" Bowser asked.

Kamek jumped and slammed the book shut. "Not exactly," he admitted.

Bowser grunted. "Then what's the use of you?"

"Er, I didn't figure out why it didn't work... because I believe it _did_ work."

"Really? So how much money did we make?"

"... Well, right now it's all caught up in legal red tape but..."

"What? Why is wish money caught up in red tape?"

"You'd better sit down," said Kamek.

Bowser flopped down on the ground.

"I meant in a chair but whatever." Kamek cleared his throat. "All right... well, just after you went to bed, I received terrible news. It seems that one of your foreign correspondents who had just returned from abroad fell ill with a terrible plague. It spread like wildfire and worked quickly. A great number of your subjects succumbed to it last night."

"Wait, so a whole bunch of koopas just dropped dead?"

"Essentially. But when I investigated, I found that all of those affected were great loyalists who supported you in everything they did. And they had previously written that, upon their deaths, all of their net worth would be returned to the kingdom. So as soon as it's tallied, we should know how much treasure you have."

Kamek paused to catch his breath. "I think it would be best if you returned that Rod to Star Haven. The Spirits were right. You don't know how to use it properly."

Bowser laughed and swung the rod like a baseball bat. "Are you kidding? I'm just getting started, I'll get the hang of it. Besides, it's not like any permanent damage was done."

"Uh, but Your Surliness, death is one of the most permanent things in existence."

"You're forgetting what power we have." He indicated the rod. "I'll just make another wish and they'll all be right as rain."

"But what if something goes wrong?"

"What can go wrong? I'll just wish extra carefully." He held up the Star Rod. "I wish that all the plague victims came back to life."

Nothing happened.

"Okay, so it'll take a little bit," said Bowser. "Kamek, you go out and patrol, and let me know when my wish comes true.

"Of course." Kamek mounted his broom and took off. Bowser decided to treat himself to an extra-large breakfast while he waited.

Just as he polished off the fifth and final course, Kamek came back. "Good news, I bet?" Bowser asked with his mouth full.

"You know I can't talk to you with your mouth full like that," said Kamek.

Bowser swallowed. "What are you, my mother? Just tell me if my wish came true."

"Sort of. They all came back... as Dry Bones."

"Aw, what? That's not what I wanted!"

"Sire, I implore you to return the Star Rod-"

Bowser waved his hand. "I'll figure it out. Let's work on something else. Anyway, now that I have the power of the Stars, I can finally take over Mushroom Kingdom and beat Mario. All I need is to get my army together, and if they're led by an invincible-"

"You have no army," said Kamek.

"What? What happened to them?"

"The koopas who were loyal enough to bequeath everything to you? The very same koopas loyal enough to serve in your army. You now command nothing but Dry Bones."

Bowser grimaced. "Oh, well, that's just wonderful." He thought for a minute. "Well, whatever. I know what else I can try. I'm going to wish-"

"Please, don't!" Kamek cut in. "You're toying with forces which you know nothing about!"

"I wish that Princess Peach loved me unconditionally!"

"This will not turn out how you want it!" Kamek pleaded, "Put the Star Rod back before any more damage is done!"

"And I wish you would knock it off," said Bowser, lowering the Rod. "Now go find my bride and bring her to me."

Kamek gave Bowser a sad look, but flew away obediently.

* * *

"I hope you're happy."

Kamek returned two days later after a long trip, with the princess riding on the back of his broom.

"Very," said Bowser, leaning over to get a better look at Peach.

Kamek landed the broom and Peach stepped off. "This is a nice place," she said airily.

"Remember the plague that killed off your army?"

"Yeah, I've been working on that one," said Bowser sheepishly.

"Well, it turns out that the Mushroom Kingdom wasn't immune. From what I can tell, before I arrived the Princess came down with it herself."

"How long have we been here?" asked Peach. "Hello, how are you?" she said to Bowser.

"She's still alive," said Bowser.

"Yes," said Kamek. "The fever attacked her brain. It damaged the part responsible for turning short-term memory into long-term memory."

"So, what's wrong with that?"

"It's very nice to meet you both," said Peach.

"She can't remember anything longer than seven seconds," said Kamek. "She loves you because you're the only person in the world to her. She loves you because you're there, and she's affectionate, and she has no idea who you are. She loves you because no matter what evil you do, she won't remember."

"This is a nice place," said Peach. "I like it here."

Bowser looked at Peach, then at Kamek, and then at the Star Rod. "I've made a terrible mistake," he said.

"Again, I must beg of you. Please. Put the Star Rod back before you destroy everything."

"Okay. I think I know a way out of this." Bowser held up the star rod.

"No!" Kamek shouted.

"I wish I never took the Rod in the first place!" he shouted.

The next thing Bowser knew, he was back in Star Haven, fighting off the Star Spirits. He had just taken a deep breath, and was about to knock aside the last of the Star Spirits. Instead, he slowly let the breath out through his nose, instead of as fire out his mouth.

"Star Beam!" shouted Eldstar. "Now! While he's distracted."

"No!" Bowser yelped. "You don't understand. I already- I was trying to put it back! I'm not-"

The seven Star Spirits circled around Bowser and their magic formed an impenetrable barrier around him. "Imprison him! The power of the Star Rod must never leave Star Haven!"

"No, I'm leaving! Look, I just wished-"

The Star Spirits used all of their power to blast him out of Star Haven. He sailed through the sky, past the stars, until he landed on an isolated comet far, far out of reach of the Stars or the world below them. Kamek himself was blasted back to the kingdom below, unaware of where his king had been sent.

"It is done," said Eldstar. "Bowser will spend the rest of his days out of reach of everything, including his wishes. Only a star can control the stars, and only a fool would believe himself wiser than the ancients who came before him."

* * *

_See that, Cheese? Monkey's paw._


	10. The Pixl

"_That... was pretty much the same as every other story," said Mimi._

"_Nuh-uh," said Bowser. "It was better. 'Cause I was in it."_

_Mimi rolled her eyes. "Well, whatever."_

_Count Bleck took the flashlight back. He produced a large book from under his cape. "Now it is the Count's turn."_

"_Oh, I can't wait to hear what kind of story he has," said Sherwood. "I have no idea what to expect."_

_Count Bleck opened up to a dog-eared page. "Well, you'll be surprised._

* * *

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary  
In a forgotten dimension strewn with the outer world's debris  
Though difficult it is to say which is night and which is day  
For both are quite the same, and dark, and all the same to me  
But presently there came a knocking, no idea who it could be  
"Tis some visitor," I muttered, "calling here to visit me.  
That is all that this can be."

Ah, I remember, long ago, something I relent to know  
As each bit of the Prognosticus that I took on for she  
I wished my sorrow to be gone and waited eagerly for dawn  
As I became some more withdrawn and thought long of my Timpani  
For the rare and radiant maiden whom Nimbis named Timpani  
Nameless here and not to be.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each coal black curtain  
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt in me  
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating  
"'Tis some visitor entreating entrance come to visit me -  
Some late visitor entreating entrance, come to visit me; -  
This it is, and what will be."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,  
"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I must plea;  
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,  
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping to alert to me  
That I scarce was sure I heard you-" here I opened wide to see; -  
Darkness there, and naught to see.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,  
Dreaming dreams I never would before the dark book came to me;  
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,  
And the only word there spoken was a whispered, "Timpani!"  
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back, "C'est Timpani!"  
Only heard, no thing to see.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,  
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.  
"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice;  
Let me take a look outside at what the window lets me see  
Let my heart be still a moment while I see what there's to see  
'Tis the wind, just blowing free!"

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,  
Ranbow-winged and stately came a pixl up to me  
Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;  
But, as if a lord or lady, perched upon an indoor tree  
Perched upon the last of nature, on a potted tree  
Perched, and sat, and looked at me.

Then this rainbow sprite beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,  
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance she be  
"Though your wings are colored merry, you," I said, "are sure no fairy.  
You seem ghastly and foreboding and quite strange to me.  
Tell me what thy lordly name is so that I may more know thee!"  
Quoth the pixl, "Not to be."

Much I marveled this ungainly pixl to hear discourse plainly,  
Though its answer little meaning - little relevance to see  
For we cannot help but see there was nothing near to me  
Ever yet was blessed with seeing wing above his only tree -  
Sprite or beast upon the only nature I shall ever see  
With such name as "Not to be."

But the pixl, sitting lonely on the potted tree, spoke only,  
That one word, as if her soul in that one word she did decree.  
Nothing further then she uttered - not a moment had she fluttered -  
Till I scarcely more than muttered "Soon you too will leave from me  
By the morrow you'll have flown and when I wake you'll leave from me."  
The pixl then said, "Not to be."

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,  
"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only safe decree.  
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster  
Met him on his quest for Pure Hearts 'fore he got to me.  
Now his pixl sends a warning he would have gave to me  
Of '"Never! Not to be.'"

But the pixl still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,  
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of sprite and dying tree;  
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking  
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous pixl she-  
What this bright and sparkly, spooky, small, and ominous fairy she  
Meant in lilting "Not to be."

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing  
To the pixl who somehow now burned my soul by only being she  
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining  
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light lit with glee  
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light lit with glee  
_She_ shall press, ah, not to be!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer  
Swung by nimble Nimbis passing through without alerting me  
"Wretch, cried Bleck, why have you come here - Who implored that you should come mere  
Respite - respite and Super Shrooms from memories of Timpani!  
Munch, oh munch this tasty shroom, and forget lost Timpani!"  
Quoth the pixl, "Not to be."

"Prophet!" said I, "Evil thingy - prophet still, if Shayde or Nimbi -  
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here to me,  
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -  
On this home by horror haunted - I insist you tell to me  
Is there- is there healing to be had? - I demand, reveal to me!"  
Quoth the pixl, "Not to be."

"Prophet!' said I, "Evil thingy - prophet still, if Shayde or Nimbi -  
By the game we all must play, in dimensions which agree  
You must tell a soul so weary if a coming day so dreary  
It will bring a maiden cheery whom Nimbis named Timpani  
Bring a rare and radiant maiden, whom Nimbis named Timpani."  
Quoth the pixl, "Not to be."

"Be that word our sign of parting, pixl fiend!" I shrieked upstarting -  
"Get thee back into the tempest and return not here to me!  
Leave no glitter as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!  
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the branch of this here tree!  
Take thy wings from out my heart, and take thy form from off my tree!"  
Quoth the pixl, "Not to be."

And the pixl, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting  
On the only natural remnant brought inside for only me;  
And her wings have all the seeming of a creature's that is dreaming,  
And the lamp-light casts a shadow over to the chair, and me  
And the shadow that it casts from where the pixl sighs to me  
What is it? It's not to be.


End file.
